Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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