Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How drunk are you?
Completed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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