This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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