dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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