Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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