There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
