so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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