Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
