The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
