That's intense
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
