Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
