It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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