come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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