They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
