omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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