shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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