Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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