I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
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The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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