It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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