We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
