i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
