So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My vagina just clenched in fear
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