Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You made out with two different species that night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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