For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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