Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
