Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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