Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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