Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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