dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
