I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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