It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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