i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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