Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
