your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
