when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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