I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
