The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Pants are for mortals
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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