I just made out with a guy for $7.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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