I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
