I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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