Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize