We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Acid is not a monday night drug
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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