I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Farmville is her only friend.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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