maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
