I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
