Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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