you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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