Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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