He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
