no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
