I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
