my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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