Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We smell like vodka and hangover
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
