I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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