He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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