I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
