Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
