I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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