seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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