dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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