Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
