Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
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Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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