I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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