I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
