Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
