i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
