So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
